Finding Light in the Shadows: Recognizing the Good in Difficult People

We all have them in our lives – the people who challenge us, frustrate us, and sometimes even hurt us. Yet beneath every thorny exterior lies a human being shaped by their own struggles, hopes, and experiences. This week, we explore the art of finding goodness in those we find difficult.

Firefly of the Week

This is one that I think most of us can benefit from. Personally, I have been spending a considerable amount of brain space, reflection, and therapy looking at my people-pleasing tendencies. I am very good at taking care of other people and terrible at taking care of myself.

If you’ve subscribed to a newsletter called “The What’s Good Project,” there is a significant likelihood that you have a similar struggle. We want the whole world to like us, so we put ourselves last. That isn’t to say that we should not take care of others.

As my therapist would say, your biggest pain point is also your superpower.

This week’s book falls into the “waiting on my bookshelf for me to read it” category. Knowing how enamored I am with Japanese philosophies (wabi-sabi, kintsugi, ikigai, etc), I know I’ll love this book. If you are as curious as I am, though, pick it up and we can share notes:

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Deep Dive: The Hidden Depths

Every "difficult" person carries a story we may never fully know. The colleague who seems overly critical might be driven by perfectionism born from childhood insecurity. The neighbor who appears unfriendly could be wrestling with social anxiety. The relative who always argues might be desperately seeking validation.

Understanding this doesn't excuse harmful behavior, but it opens the door to compassion. When we look closer, we often discover that difficult traits are distorted expressions of positive qualities:

• Stubbornness can reflect deep conviction and loyalty to principles

• Overcautiousness might stem from responsible consideration of consequences

• Argumentativeness could indicate passion for truth and justice

• Perfectionism often signals high standards and dedication

Begin with curiosity rather than judgment. Ask yourself:

• What might be causing this person's behavior?

• What strengths could their challenging traits be hiding?

• When have I seen glimpses of their better nature?

Sometimes, the simple act of looking for good in others creates space for it to emerge. Start with small observations – a moment of kindness, a flash of humor, an instance of vulnerability.

A Community of Good Things

Beth, a devoted What’s Good community member shares this beautiful “what’s good” moment from her week. Being caught off guard by nature (especially a vibrant color contrasted against a grey landscape) can be such an invitation back into the present moment.

Weekly Challenge

Choose one "difficult" person in your life. For the next seven days, commit to noticing one positive quality or action from them each day. Write it down. You don't need to share these observations – simply hold them alongside your existing experience of this person.

Share Your Story, Spread the Good

Do you have a story about finding the good in seemingly difficult situations or people? Use the link below to share it and see if it makes it into The What’s Good Newsletter.

Share your story here.

Hard to Hate Someone Wearing Our Merch

We all make instant judgments about people and decide we won’t like them based upon a surface-level observation or assumption. It’s hard to judge someone wearing “What’s Good?” sweatshirt… just sayin’.

Change assumptions. Grab some merch from The What’s Good Store and let the world judge!